THUG PASSION

Why has there always been an attraction between a good girl and a bad boy? What is it in a woman that draws her to him? Some think that it may just be the all too simple tale that opposites attract, which I think has some truth to it. Some also think that it's a fetish, it gives the good girl the opportunity to experience life on the "wild side" like she never would have known otherwise, I think that may also have some truth to it. One of my personal favorite theories are that woman are born with an innate maternal/ nurturing instinct. We always want to fix something or someone, this is the position that I really tend to side with. So what's the correct answer here? I say a strong case of ALL OF THE ABOVE!

Personally I think there are tons of reasons why some woman are attracted to the "bad boy" or the "thug life." The whole bad boy imagery is all over the television, especially in music videos. That lifestyle is portrayed as "the life" that everyone should want to live. To some women who have a normal, (what they would consider) boring, everyday life this may be attractive. It gives them the opportunity to live vicariously through someone else or it gives them that status of being "so and so's girl." Every girl who's dated a bad boy was "so and so's" girl for a time and everyone around the way knew that you were hands off. That faux feeling of status that you get from being some dude's girl that is high up on the food chain can feel empowering.



I think we have a tendency to see more good in a person than they are able to see in themselves. We see and fall for the "possibilities" while ignoring the "realities!!" We say to ourselves, "if I could just get him to stop doing this he would be the perfect guy" or "if he would stop hanging with this group of friends he'd stop getting in trouble and then he'd be the perfect guy." I'm not hating on any women out there who prefer the bad boy, for me it was a phase that I had gone through, and I think that's the case for a lot of women.



As for this goodie two shoes, I am not attracted to the streetlife or whatever glory it may bring. The tough guy persona is not what I am attracted to. Don't get me wrong, I don't want a pushover, I don't think any girl really wants that. I am attracted to testosterone and I would prefer my man to have a say so and have the ability to tell me "no" from time to time, but not too often! I don't want for him to be a punk and not able to stand up for himself or for me for that matter. However, what I am attracted to instead of the roughneck, tough guy is a strong sense of self confidence and not arrogance. He definitely has to be on the same page spiritually with me, he has to be intelligent and articulate. I am attracted to the kind of man that feels comfortable in a room full of stiff suits or on the street in from of a corner store. I am attracted to a sense of humor and a great personality.

So I have passed this cup of Thug Passion on to the next chick that craves a little adventure in her life and I am perfectly happy and satisfied with my God Fearing, respectable, educated, confident, articulate, loving and caring man! I sometimes look back in retrospect and wonder.... what was I thinking????

REFLECTIONS

The last five days have gone by so fast it's hard to comprehend that it's just about time to get back to reality, which for me means getting back to waking up early, getting my son off to school and me getting ready for work trying to negotiate some deals and make some things happen for myself. Why do vacations go by so fast? I don't know if I'd consider my time off a vacation, being that I didn't go anywhere, but I got a chance to relax and just spend time with my family. Waking up late was good enough for me to be honest, but now that it's Sunday, I could use another 5 days before going back to my life.

Thanksgiving was nice and quiet. I spent time with my immediate family we did our usual, my dad cooked the turkey, mac and cheese and the collard greens, while my mom and I prepared the sides, the stuffing, potato salad, candied yams, pies and I personally did a fabulous lasagna. Dinner was excellent everything came out tasting just right for the occasion. After dinner it was our usual louging around the house. A friend stopped by and we all hung out then later on that night my son and I went to the movies to see Twilight, which turned out to be a good movie, a nice love story on a PG-13 level.

Black Friday, I did not wake up to take part in the mayhem that occurs at obscene hours in the day. I couldn't see myself doing it, up at 3-4am to stand in a long line in the cold to bust through the doors of some super savers club. I woke up late and hit the mall for something nice, not for Christmas shopping but to find a gift for myself as my birthday was the next day. I got myself a few great gifts, and then went back home for some Thanksgiving leftovers.

Saturday I woke up to a wonderful surprise of birthday calls and gifts. I got a beautiful new bag, watch and ring from my parents and my son bought me a necklace. I also bought myself a watch and some other jewelry to celebrate my birthday. I didn't go out on my birthday, but I didn't feel too bad about it. There were plans but they fell through.

Now it's Sunday and tomorrow is obviously Monday, back to work back to the grind. Tonight I am celebrating my birthday out doing something that I like to do which is dinner in a great restaurant and great ambiance. So it's about time to get dressed so I can head out.

But before I go I figured I mention what I'm grateful for. This Thanksgiving holiday, I am thankful for my family and friends and all of my loved ones. I am thankful the house that I live in and the clothes on my back and the fact that I can still sustain a designer wardrobe (sorry it is) I am thankful that in this market I am still working as an active real estate agent bringing in the money to pay my bills, sales aren't what they were a year ago but people are still buying (at least from me) :-). I am thankful for a black president and I am thankful for love and life. I am thankful for a new day.

Peace and blessings,

Daddy's Girl

BROTHA

I still feel full of the energy from the election. I can't wipe the smile off of my face. I'm so proud of my people, my brothers in particular and I wanted to send a song in salute to you.

Enjoy

Daddy's Girl

DOES A MARRIAGE MEAN ANYTHING ANYMORE???

Today what I wanted to talk about was marriage. The reason I've decided on this topic is because after being in a serious relationship your mind starts to look to the future. However, what really made me want to write about this topic was the different people that I was encountering and the different things I was hearing being said. To say the least, "MARRIAGE" gets mixed reviews.

I am a realtor and as you can imagine I come across a lot of different people of whom come from all different walks of life. I encounter doctors, lawyers, entrepreneurs, professionals, musicians, artists, comedians and etc. An important part of my job is building a relationship as I work with them to find a home that is best suited for their needs. As we work together, I'm sure you can imagine that our conversations aren't all about business. In the community that I'm currently selling, it seems to be a safe haven for the divorced! They just seem to flock to my neighborhood and when I ask, "So, what's prompting you to think about moving?" or another one of my famous questions is "What's going on in your life to make you think about making a move?" The answer that I often get is... "Well, I'm in the middle of a divorce and so I need to find a new home." A lot of times, I find myself in an awkward position because I don't know if it was a welcomed divorce or one that they didn't want to happen but allowed to happen.

My question is does marriage mean anything anymore? Why are 50% of marriages doomed by divorce?

It's funny, I was talking to one of my clients the other day and was reminded again about this very same topic. Here is a successful woman who was married for 30yrs before getting a divorce! We were having a conversation about the market and how proper budget planning is crucial to our futures and she began to tell me to always be prepared. She and her husband had gotten divorced after 30 years of marriage, in the midst of the divorce, she had always thought her name was on all the insurance policies, come to find out, it never was, it was in another woman's name! OUCH! She also began to tell me to mind my own money. She said, "I don't know how your relationship is with your husband, but just be careful!" Meanwhile, my mind quickly diverted to a previous conversation with another woman who had come into my office, on the verge of an emotional breakdown! She confided in me and shared the details of her relationship saying that it was very trying and that her husband was not a docile man and he didn't know she was in my office looking for a home, because if he had known, she'd be in BIG trouble! I was nervous for her!! As we were going over the costs and her financing options, I asked her, how did she intend to pay for the home. She shared with me that her girlfriends had warned her long ago "You always have to have some F U money!"

WHAT???? F U money? Wow... why is it that we have the mentality to prepare for the "what if?"

Don't get this confused with the family's emergency fund, like if the boiler breaks down, or you need a new car or if you encountered rough times, or unexpected bills....

No the "what ifs" that I'm speaking of are, what if they aren't the one? What if, this doesn't work out? What if I don't like everything about this person? What if they don't like everything about me?

What happened to working things out? What happened to fighting for your relationship and everything that brought the two of you together? What happened to the covenant that you made before God? Does none of this mean anything anymore?

Another encounter I had was with a gentleman. He had come into my office alone and after talking a bit we were walking out to the model homes. He said something that made me question him further. He said that he was looking for a home that would initially be used as an investment property and then eventually a primary residence for himself. So I asked, "I'm curious, is there any reason in particular that you would like to purchase something initially as investment and then move in to the home later?" and he answered me saying "Well, if I end up moving here I'll be alone. My wife and I are having problems and I'm considering a plan b, you've always gotta have a plan b!" Wow! Here we go again, another person planning for the worst instead of praying for the best!!!

Am I naive in saying and believing that when I get married, it will not be to get divorced???

I believe in the institution of marriage and everything that it stands for. If we go back to the bible in the beginning when God made Adam, he saw that he needed a help mate. He brought all the creatures that he had created and brought them to Adam and saw that they weren't what he needed and so he put Adam back to sleep and out of his rib he created woman. He created Eve who was to be the perfect mate for Adam. When a man and a woman get married they become one unit, no longer looked at as single. They are now one flesh. A marriage that is ordained by God is blessed. In God's eye's there's not very many reasons to divorce. Ultimately this is because if the courting was done right, prior to the union of marriage,there ought not be many reasons to divorce. I say this because in the bible, we are taught to be evenly yoked. This means, there should be commonality amongst the two people. You should share the same spiritual beliefs, similar upbringings, and so on. It makes for a better more solid relationship if you see eye to eye on most things. A true man or woman of God aren't as likely to hit, or cheat or be mean spirited, because it contradicts with their beliefs. A man of God is told to love his wife how Jesus loves the church. What is Jesus to us? He is our provider, our protector, our friend our confidante. These are all things that our husbands are to be to us. A husband is told to love his wife as he loves his own body. One never did not love their body. One feeds it and cares for it just how Jesus cares for the church. Wives are told to submit to our husbands as we submit to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands. (Eph 5: 22-33) I wonder if we structured our marriages and our households to the way in which it were planned would the divorce rate be as high??? If we followed the handbook of life would we then know that when there is trouble it doesn't last. That when there is trouble it isn't a time to run for cover and hide, but to seek God and his holy counsel and ask Him to heal the wounds of the marriage and watch Him to do it!! If we structured our marriages according to the way in which we ought, would we not see marriages sustain??? A marriage is a covenant a contractual obligation that you enter in before God to love, respect, honor and obey in sickness and in health, through good times and in bad, for better or for worse. It is something that should not be taken lightly and as soon a trouble comes we're heading for the border. By all means if it's an abusive relationship that is unhealthy to you mentally and physically to be in, leave. But in most situations of marriage it can be worked out, prayed on and made through.

So when he finally pops the question and asks to marry me, what will I say???? YES, I WILL... and I'll believe it with my whole heart that though it may be hard work and some days might be better than the others, as long as we keep God first, stay prayerful and keep our vows to eachother... we will work it out and I will not get married just to get divorced... nor will I worry about the "What ifs"!!!

Thank you for joining me for another episode of The "J" Spot. This is Daddy's Girl signing out....

Peace & Blessings

Smooches~~~

FEELINGS

Emotions, there are a ton of them aren't there? There's love, happiness, sadness, depression, anger, frustration, fear, etc. There are so many different emotions that go through our minds sometimes several different emotions happen at once! Our feelings change as the wind blows in most cases. One second we can be flying high on cloud 9 and then the next thing that you know your down in the dumps because someone said something or did something to make you feel bad about yourself. How can we control our emotions so that we aren't always running so hot and cold? One thing is staying prayerful. Being prayed up keeps you grounded and centered. Prayer also keeps you focused. When in prayer at the start of your day you should ask for God to align your thoughts and actions to His thoughts and actions so that you are covered when and if the time arises that you are tested.

Also, I try not to stress because when it all boils down to it, there really isn't a need to. In those situations where you can't avoid conflict, I always just try my best to keep my peace. The bible says to be slow to anger and it also says that He will fight my battles so that I don't have to. I'm as human as either of you, and can sometimes lose my cool, but I do try to make a conscious effort in thinking before I speak or act. I've learned myself and in learning myself, I know that I have a tendency to be emotional and sensitive, so I try not to take things to heart.

Don't let your emotions get the best of you. Emotions though they may be true to how you feel at that very moment, are still superficial, because they change. Keep yourself grounded and focused in prayer instead of riding the emotional roller coaster of highs and lows.

Thanks for tuning in to another episode of The "J" Spot this is Daddy's Girl signing out~~~~

WHAT IS LOVE?

By the world's standards and definition LOVE is a feeling. When you are in love with a person it releases certain endorphins in the body and causes feelings of euphoria. You are so high on this surge of emotion that this other person evokes that the word love is often equated to that feeling.

To me love is a choice, it isn't just a feeling of euphoria. I think that you choose to love a person in spite of who they are. Think about it... None of us walking this earth are perfect. We all have faults, some more prevalent than others, but we ALL have flaws. There is someone out there who loves us despite the imperfections that we see in ourselves. You all have spouses, significant others, children, friends, family members that love you in spite of who you are.

I think that love is not selfish. Love makes each and every one of us put our best foot forward. Love makes you want to do anything to please that person. Love doesn't seek out it's own selfish gain. You don't think in the back of your mind, what am I going to get out of loving this person? You give your heart to someone because you choose to.

Love is still love even when there may be dissension between a couple. When the feeling of anger replaces the bliss of love for the time being does that mean you love eachother any less? No it doesn't, simply because love isn't just a feeling. Feelings can change with as easily as the wind blows. Our feelings can lead us astray. Love is a choice, it's an action, it's something that is always evolving and growing.

Love is giving, love is kind, it's gentle and sweet, love is patient, love doesn't hurt. I think our one true example of love being all these things is the love that God showed us when He came down from glory, removed Himself from His throne, clothed himself in flesh to be our sacrifice so that we may have life everlasting. Can you imagine growing up your whole life knowing the death that you would have to die for people who didn't even like you, for people who didn't just not like you but were your enemy? Mothers, can you imagine giving your only child up for the sake of a bunch of undeserving strangers who didn't even know your child? How much can someone love another if they are willing to sacrifice their one and only son. That is called AGAPE love, that is the ultimate kind of love.

Each and every day I try to love with that kind of love. I love unselfishly, not expecting anything in return. I give wholeheartedly, I try to live according the Word that says love is quick to listen and slow to anger. I try to love with a love that doesn't have conditions. I don't judge and I love in spite one's imperfections. I love with my mind and not just my heart. So when I think about what is love? I think that love is kind and sweet, simple and complex, strong, dynamic, overpowering, all encompassing, easy and of free will.

So my word tonight for all those out there who aren't sure what love is I suggest you study the bible on love and you'll see real love in action from genesis to revelation.

Peace & Blessings