Are there any gentleman out there that feel as though they are unappreciated and taken advantage of? The reason that I ask is because I have a few guy friends who have brought this topic up to me and I was inspired to blog. Do we as women not appreciate what we have, or are we suffering from "the grass is greener" syndrome? I was posed with the question, why is it that women do not recognize when they have a good man and why does the statement "you don't know what you have until it's gone" prevail? So now I ask you, do you sometimes find yourself, post relationship, wishing that you had never messed it up? As the saying goes, "hindsight is 20/20". Sometimes we just don't see what we have because we are so consumed in what we don't have. I think that a person who is in the dating world, whether in a relationship or a single person looking to be in a relationship should start to evaluate themselves first, ask yourselves a few simple questions like:
What is it that I have accomplished in my life?
What is it that I can contribute to a relationship?
What is it that I am looking for in a person? When answering this question one should consider a persons character verses their possesions. Sometimes we get so caught up in the physical and the material that we forget that soon after all the looks and the money runs out or wears off you still have a person, is this person compatible? Does he/she have anything of substance to offer? Can he/she teach you anything?
What do I need from a relationship that will make me happy?
Once you have judged yourself accordingly and have determined what you think you need in order to make yourself happy then you need to look at either who you are presently with or who you may be considering. See how this person lines up. Again, I would focus more on that persons character versus what they look like and what they have. If this person, has more pros than cons then I think it is worth working on and/ or worth trying to pursue a relationship.
Where I think a lot of women get caught up with is the: "what the guy has, or what can he do for me, mentality". Sometimes us women get an ego trip and think that we are the best that our men can do and they ought to be happy that they are with us in the first place!! Ladies, this may very well be true however, this thinking can cause you to fail to realize that this man may be a blessing for you as well. In our ego trip, thinking that we're God's gift, we slack in assuring our men how appreciative we are that they are who they are, we don't show the love that they may seek from us, we also nag and focus on what they aren't doing, what they don't have, what someone else has instead of looking at what they do have going on for themselves. This is where a lot of women drop the ball. No man, wants to be reminded of their short commings, a good man knows where he lacks and is working on improving himself in that respect, to be insensitive and to remind a guy what he doesn't have and what he can't do only smacks him down and pushes him away. Good men are men who respect you, love you, cherish you and honor you. A good man will do anything for you make you feel special and secure. He won't cheat because he adores you. He won't hit you or disrespect you because he looks at you as his queen. A good man isn't a man making a certain salary or driving a certain car. A good man could be standing right in front of you and you may not recognize him because you are too busy focusing on the wrong things. Yes, it's ok to have preferences. You can prefer a man to look a certain way, dress a certain way, have a certain status, we all have standards, but let's not let our "standards" cause you to overlook your blessing that God may have had just for you. Ladies, if you're a Godly woman, then you ought to be praying for yourselves that you can love this man that God has brought in your life with out judging him and comparing him to others from your past. You ought to be looking at his character and seeing if he reminds you of your father, your heavenly father that is... (if you've had a good representation of what a man should in your natural father or father who raised you then let him be the example). I hate to say it, but if we continue to treat our men the way we do, and not big them up how we should, there could be a lot of good guys gone bad.
6 comments:
Damn Great Blog: I thought women like you might be dead or a figment of the past. But I agree that most people go into relationships seeing what they can get besides what they can share. I think that women who crave more attention than love will always be looking for that next dude. I understand not wanting to make the "I do" promise on a mistake. But if we're honest, we choose who we want to love, not necessary the one who is best for us. Men we choose the most physical attractive girl and Women choose the most popular guy at the time. Beauty fades and popularity comes and goes (ask ja-rule) so we should try to look deeper when you're ready to make a life with someone. True men don't grow mad, we grow frustrated.
yes we here - chk this a penchant 4 commitment
Anonymous I wish you had left a name but that's ok. No women like me aren't dead or a figment of the past, I'm sure there's more out there. In fact, I think that there are lots of women who may think siimilar, but it just hasn't come to fruition for them yet. I say this because learning yourself and your worth, then understanding what your needs are is a process. You have to go through things and as you grow and mature you leave those foolish policies and practices behind and you realize what's really important. Granted some of us will never get there, but a lot of us will. Thanks for stopping by the J spot, I hope you come back to visit.
Torrence,
I checked out your penchant 4 commitment and I thought that it was excellent. I left a comment for you on your page. Thanks for stopping by The J Spot.
Jamar Again, nice blog! In my opinion, the 21st century woman is completely different than the 80's and 90's woman and it is completely our fault as men! Shocking; although I believe this to be true. When women were ready to commit and give their all to us; we wanted to play with their emotions and do what we wanted to do while disregarding how women feel; believing they would always be there. And in a lot of cases, they were.
Now it seems that men are finally done playing games however women are fed up and refuse to play the fool anymore! Can I blame? NO! However, I do think that this doesn't exempt them from not recognizing a good man when they arrive into their lives.
We all as people must understand that the only perfect being is now sitting on the right hand of the Father! HE OR SHE DOES NOT EXIST! Our standards must be checked at the door in order to experience true happiness in this life. The problem arises when we are so set in our ways regarding what we want in a mate that we end up finding out later in those relationships that what you thought you wanted was indeed an illusion that most of us get from movies, songs, novels, etc.
The bottom line is this: there is nothing wrong, as you said, wanting to be with an attractive man or woman. We are visual beings and in most cases that is what initially attracts us to people. But if you can't recognize any beauty in that person outside what you can see, you should seriously think about moving forward with building a serious relationship.
Go head Mr. Anonymous I wish you had left a name keep checking in!!
Daddy's Girl
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